Change

Change. Wow – I have really changed a lot over the past few years. Life in general has changed a lot. I’ve made decisions that have led me down a much different path than the one I used to anticipate walking. We are all constantly making important, life-altering decisions that will determine the next path we walk. What are my priorities? Where is my focus? I find myself asking these questions, seeking God for help with the answers, and for help changing when the answers aren’t what they should be. More now than ever, this journey of life is so very thrilling.

To name a few of the changes in my life…

In January of 2002, I moved to Stockton, California to attend Christian Life College. I had lived in the same house with the same neighbors and attended school with the same classmates since I was five. I’m from a small “Cow Town” twenty-two miles north of Seattle where you can sometimes hear roosters crow, and where – yes – there are real live cows (that was for you Sarah Dawn :). So besides the traveling I did through Bible Quizzing (which was a great experience by the way), I hadn’t seen much of what was out there. The Bible school I attended attracts people from all over the world, so going to college equaled lots of exposure to a lot of different cultures, ways of thinking, personalities, etc. This was great for me – I grew a lot socially and emotionally, as well as spiritually. I even saw a prostitute for the first time!!!! Ha – yeah, that’s downtown Stockton for ya…and, unfortunately, I’ll never forget it.

Throughout my teenage years, I was part of a very conservative church. Looking back, I realize that I based so much of my self-worth on doing everything just right and making sure that I followed the rules. Roughly six years ago, I began really evaluating what I believed and why I believed it. My focus on strictly adhering to a set of rules and regulations had bred an unhealthy view of and relationship to God Himself. I was convinced that I was saved as a result of me doing this or not doing that, rather than understanding that I am saved as a result of what Christ did on the cross. Over the last few years my beliefs have changed. Many of you have seen me go through this change. It has not been an easy one, but it is one I am so glad to have made. This change has resulted in other changes –changes in emotions, changes in social life, and other changes in my way of thinking all together.

On April 4th, 2008, I married Stephen Camera. Being a married woman has been an adjustment, but I have to say that we did not have as many rough patches as you might expect a newly-married couple to have in the first two years. The credit for this goes to Stephen. He is the most forgiving, patient man I know, and he has a way of diffusing the fights that I try to start. This doesn’t mean we don’t drive each other crazy at times. I am cringing right now thinking of some of his annoying unmentionable habits, and I’m sure he’ll be doing the same once he reads this!

Just eleven weeks ago – January 4th, 2010 to be exact – we met our baby girl Sydney Jane. Parenthood has been the most invigorating experience. At times I have felt high…like no matter what goes wrong, I will be ok as long as I have this little miracle in my life. Little “Squid” has made us cry with joy, and then cry with frustration (well, me cry and him grunt…or something like that.) Parenting has been a super difficult change for our relationship. Romantic dates are less often, and when we do get to go out, we talk, think, and wonder about the baby. We’re too stressed with her fussing, or tired with her not sleeping, or just plain focused on her to do considerate things for each other like we used to. At the moment, we are both watching her on the video monitor. She SHOULD be sleeping, but instead our little love bug…the little bundle of joyous energy that she is…is flailing her arms and legs about until she kicks her blankets off and spits her binky out. And of course we simply cannot stand the thought of her catching a bit of a chill, so we take turns marching back in the bedroom to set things back in order. SMART little cookie she is – little turd-burglar. **Dear Grown-Up Sydney: In case you read this in a few years, I meant that with all of the love I could possibly muster. We love you more than words can describe…the term “little turd-burglar” is wrapped in love.** (This paragraph is dedicated to two of my mommy-friends who, judging by their blogs today, totally understand this whole fiasco: Amy and SoShawna.)

Anyway, the fact of the matter is that parenting is not easy.

But anyway, what would we do without her? I cannot imagine life without our Squid, and wouldn’t want to. She has taught us so much already, and I am so excited for every stage of her life. Okay – so what I really mean to say is that this whole thing is a welcome change to our relationship, and that we will figure it out with God’s help…and lots of valium :)

I should be a pro with this whole change thing…we all should. But the fact is that we’re not. We’re all trying to figure things out again and again, day after day. This could be depressing, but I find it exciting. What would life be without the day to day drama of new experiences, good and bad? The unexpected is thrilling, and most-importantly it teaches us to be better people, and to understand a bit more of what God is trying to tell us.

So let’s all press, knowing that the ever-changing details of this journey are worth taking a minute to stop and enjoy.

“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward – to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.” –Philippians 3: 12-14 (The Message)

And one more appropriate quote, this one not from the Bible…

“There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb”
-Miley Cyrus “Climb” lyrics

(My apologies to Rose for the Miley lyrics…they were appropriate, you have to admit.)

Changing and cool with it,

Em